


Let It In

by KagamiSorciere



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Illustrated fic!, Kylo is having urges he's not real proud of, Rey's not entirely innocent either, Smut, The art moved me instantaneously and said "write the thing. write it NOW.", Tumblr, and this is it, arriku, art fic, kylo ren has an overactive imagination, poor space children..., so i did
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-28 00:50:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6307252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KagamiSorciere/pseuds/KagamiSorciere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo's control over himself is wearing thin- not like it was gridiron to begin with. He lapses more and more into daydreams, fantasies, of her. Of <i>them</i>. He sees her everywhere. He hates himself for it. But the more they consume him, the more he can't help but indulge, and as he abandons his duties once more to sequester himself in an effort to not rip The Finalizer into two, he finds, to his anguish, that maybe his traitorous thoughts aren't just his alone... [[Art inspired, ILLUSTRATED fic attached to a work produced by Arriku/Spacefugue on tumblr]]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let It In

He hid himself away more and more in the small service shafts of the The Finalizer, unwilling, or unable, to stand the crush of people who crewed the massive star destroyer. Since the destruction of Starkiller, Kylo's fits had gotten increasingly out of hand. After being berated by Hux- again- for property damage, he'd taken to just leaving, sometimes for days, and sequestering himself in one of the several desolate corners the ship readily provided. No one really questioned his absences. No one bothered to look for him- if they could even find him. And while Snoke never brought up his bouts of derelict duty, he'd noticed the occasional side-eye from the ancient Lord of the Ren.

Kylo was beyond caring.

His mind, whilst in service of the First Order, had become blessedly blank save for the times someone insisted on enraging him, and then it was like his very being was surging with fury and he either had to slice up a room or remove himself.

He gazed out of the large port-side window, unusual for such a narrow passageway as he'd found himself in now, and watched as the stars sailed by.

No. Nothing had been the same since Starkiller failed, and as much as he'd like to think his lack of thoughts whilst on duty were a sign of his growth, in private, locked in his quarters, he knew better. His quarters had sustained the most abuse. It's why he didn't hide out there anymore.

He plunked his bare head against the glass, digging his heels into the steel floor, and gave a shuddering sigh. His quarters….for some reason there, most of all, she haunted him.

He imagined her stumbling into his room, lost after slinking around his ship like a little spy. He imagined her flushed face and her shock at finding him, without his mask, doing something innocuous like push-ups or brushing his teeth. He imagined locking the door impenetrably closed behind her with the force, gripping her shoulders, and pulling her to him into a desperate, open-mouthed kiss as she reciprocated because she had snuck on board to see _him_ because she couldn't do without _him._

He growled furiously and slammed his heel into the metal wall behind him, banishing the images. He sucked in a deep breath and heaved it out again, but it was like a slippery slope and he never should have thought about those fantasies again.

He saw himself running lone reconnaissance for the Knights, and once out of sight of the ship in an Admiral TIE, she would reveal herself from her hiding place in the gunner's seat and her slim, lithe form would slither its way through the narrow space between there and the front and she would seat herself across his lap, straddling him, as his lips crashed onto hers and she hurriedly pulled at the fastenings of his trousers while pushing him into the pilot's chair. His fingers tangled in her frustratingly done-up hair, he would reach down and find her already wet and ready for him as she rose up, bent over him in the small space, loose strands of her hair brushing across his face, as she carefully positioned herself and—

He screamed, taking out his badly repaired lightsaber which sputtered even worse than before after the shoddy attentions paid to it, and he ran it along the steel walls in rapid strokes and long drags. He cared nothing for his volume and his violence, to the point where he nearly cut through the bulkhead and into the next corridor, before his voice grew hoarse, no longer robust after repeated episodes like this, and he switched off his weapon and flung himself against the one unaffected place along the wall, carefully abstained from in observance of the glass separating himself from the unforgiving vacuum of space.

Sometimes, he thought, maybe it would be _worth_ giving in and slashing through the window. He panted, pulling his hood up over his head to conceal his face, conceal the emotions he couldn't hide there, and he brooded darkly. Maybe one day he would just end it all, shatter the glass, and finally just be free.

He smirked.

Years of stories about force ghosts taught him that not even in death is there any peace- not really. At least, not for people like him. Probably. He'd already screwed up his chance at becoming a Jedi Knight and earning a place as some venerable ghostly adviser. He leaned back, twisted smile tugging at his lips, as he pulled the front tip of the hood down further over his face. All that sounded like a terribly boring existence anyway.

The only existence he cared about, the only existence that mattered, was one with Rey in it. Rey. The sand-caked scavenger, although he imagined she wasn't very sand-caked anymore, and her ability to cut straight through his mind to see the very core of him in ways he didn't even think the Supreme Leader could. It was insane. It was preposterous. And he couldn't seem to live without her.

As exhaustion overtook him, he hooked his weapon onto his belt, slumped against the wall, and found himself slowly drifting…

_She was light in his arms, so light, as if she were made of nothing, and he dug his gloved hands into her thighs as she straddled him, and he lifted her up and pressed her against the wall. His cowl and tunic had been stripped away, leaving nothing but his arm guards, gloves, and trousers behind. Her hair was falling messily around her face as she gasped against him, and when he looked up and into her eyes, her gaze was sudden and intense and for a split second, Kylo found himself frozen. Her heavy breaths hit his face as she ran her fingers through his hair, down the length of his cheek, and her eyes, pupils impossibly blown, darted around his face as if she were determined to etch his very visage into her memory._

" _Ben.." she murmured._

_It was too much, hearing that name. He pushed her roughly against the wall, feeling, somehow, as she felt her bare skin covered by nothing but her wisps of crossed desert linen grind into the rough wall at her back, and as a moan began to escape her lips he captured it with his own, swallowed it, and flicked his tongue into her mouth as her hips arched up to press against his and he instinctively rolled forward against her in response._

_ _

_He propped her atop his leg, gripping her hard around the waist, and trailed his fingers down between the swell of her breasts, down the ridges of her well defined stomach, until they worked their way between her legs and brushed against the most sensitive part of her and her nails dug into his shoulders as she moaned loudly against his ear. He moved his head down to her shoulder and bit into the thick part of her flesh as two fingers teased at her opening._

_She was hunched over his shoulder and his leg supporting her began to shake as his body shuddered in anticipation of her, the pressure in his trousers becoming unbearable until he felt a tug and spared a glance down away from her pert chest dangerously close to his and spotted her nimble fingers working at the trappings of his pants._

_Fingers still poised, he pressed inside of her and her hands fumbled and failed as she pressed her back against the wall and gripped at his shoulders as he moved inside of her._

" _Ben…" she groaned, and looking up at her again, he saw her lips shine a ruby red from her arousal and his rough attentions. He ground his teeth, ordered himself to remember every lift of her chin, every hooded movement of her eyes as she gazed at him yearning and with…_ love?

_His rhythm faltered and breathily she was back to pulling at his trousers and when she finally broke him free, she pushed away his hand and wrapped her legs tightly around his torso pulling him towards her, pressing his erection between them. Sweat slicked across them as she brushed her fingers down his cheek, kissed him against his eyes, and he felt his fingers instinctively dig into her back, forcibly, possessively, and he leaned into her gentle touches until he was lifting her up and sliding her down onto him and she cried out as her arms flung around his neck, gripping blindly at the straps that held together his arm guards, and he pressed her firmly against the wall._

_No space was left between them, nothing could separate them, and the strange sense of static that seemed to cling to them the second he entered her caused him to growl against her ear and the moment he began to move his hips the space they were in seemed to fall away completely. Nothing, nothing was left, but her, him, and whatever strange energy,_ bond _, that seemed to spring up around them._

_ _

_She clung to him so tightly he could hardly breath and yet he felt her breath choke in her throat with every thrust as nothing, nothing in this entire backwards, messed up,_ wrong _and_ unfair _universe mattered but the two of them, and he could feel her. Could she feel what he felt? But all question was obliterated as he sensed her mind melt into his and together, yes,_ "BEN…!", _they came together._

 _He felt her seize around him, gasp, as he gasped, and clutched tight onto her precious form as his name, god, yes, his_ name _, echoed on her lips and then—_

"REN!" screamed the only slightly damaged comm unit embedded in the severely damaged console.

Kylo's eyes flashed open and air flooded his lungs. He stayed silent, wouldn't, _couldn't_ , answer them.

He choked on his breath and hunched over, sweat pouring off of him, and as he brought up his hand to cover his face, as he traced out of habit down the length of his scar, his gloved fingers inched closer down and, for a split second, on his fingertips he could still smell _her._

—

Far away on Ahch-to, Rey jolted. For a moment, she'd felt like she was falling, as if the warm, solid arms that had held her so securely had suddenly vanished, and with a squeak she flung herself off of her sleeping pallet and panted heavily into the darkness of her small island dwelling. Her mind immediately realizing she was not in any sudden harm, she flung herself back onto her bed and tried to think. She hadn't been falling, she'd _really_ been…

Rey gasped. Her heart pounded furiously in her chest. How could that have been? How could she have dreamed such a thing? The harder she thought back, the hotter her cheeks felt under her fingers as her hands flew up to self-consciously cover her face despite her dwelling being her own.

How utterly treacherous was her own mind? She found herself squirming above her blankets as she recalled his fingers digging into her hips and tried to stop herself until, just for a second, her eyes fell closed as she realized could still _taste_ him in her mouth.

She grabbed her pillow and shoved it in her face, stifling the agonizing moan that crawled its way out of her throat, and Rey felt as tears began to soak into the fabric as she cried. How could she have dreamed such a thing? Of _him_? How had it felt so _real?_

This was terrible, and she was weeping in earnest now. How could she? When she knew he couldn't be saved, when she knew what he'd done, when she knew…..she knew it was impossible for him to _ever_ feel that way about her. But how could she even _want_ that?

She pressed her pillow harder against her face as she fought to choke back a stronger sob when a strange but familiar sensation started to curl its way around her mind.

" _Rey…"_

Her eyes snapped open, her face tear-stained but stunned as she pulled the pillow away. _Him._ The sensation lingered, and as his voice came again, she felt something like warmth wash over her mind:

" _I felt it, too."_

_ _

**Author's Note:**

> ORIGINAL POST AND ARTIST'S PAGE HERE: http://spacefugue.tumblr.com/post/139830782983/these-are-the-first-steps
> 
> Writer's (aka me) tumblr: these-are-the-first-steps.tumblr.com
> 
> So, I've never seen a piece of fan art and been so moved to suddenly and immediately sit down and start writing for it like I was for this piece. The more I looked at it, the more tiny details I saw, little peculiarities, so many things that screamed to me, and within a couple hours I had hammered out this. Definitely a testament to Arriku's talent. 
> 
> This version has some minor edits to the one posted on tumblr- maybe like one or two word changes, and a rework to one sentence that was bothering me. Otherwise it should be exactly the same.
> 
> Thanks for reading, please go check out Arriku/Spacefugue's incredible art on tumblr, and I hope you enjoyed!!


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